The Perils of Vampirism
By Brandon Adamson

I wonder if vampires would have trouble buying alcohol. Since their ID cards would say they were like hundreds of years old, but then they might only look like they were about 25…No one would believe it was a valid ID. I can just picture ol’ Nosferatu pleading his case with some meathead doofus bouncer before getting frustrated and draining the dude’s blood. The reason I thought of this is because one time when my ex-girlfriend and I went to Ra! in Scottsdale for sushi, they refused to serve me alcohol. They did not believe I was as old as my ID said, and this was my actual state issued driver’s license we are talking about, not some YMCA gym membership card or ghetto, payday loan/check cashing place ID. They simply did not believe it was my real ID card, and I even got the manager involved and everything, and they still refused to let me buy a drink. I got pissed off and made kind of a big scene, and told them to call the cops. I probably would have been thrown out, had I not stormed out telling them I would “never fucking eat there again.” It was one of the only times I have ever lost my temper in front of a girl.

And of course, what brought that incident to mind was when I attended the Adult Swim pool party this afternoon… I was the most fully clothed person there, all duded up in my sunday best. I managed to avoid having direct sunlight hit my skin for almost a full seven hours outside. I wore my new Ben Sherman track jacket and long pants… in the blazing heat and did not even break a sweat at any time during the entire day. I was actually kind of cold. Someone said that I was like a vampire, which I guess would explain my occasional powers of charm, superhuman strength(for an otherwise scrawny dude) and tragically hopeless romanticism. Or maybe I’m just anemic, and need to eat neck with some girl for a while.

Anyway, I’m exhausted and happy to be home watching Pink Panther cartoons on DVD.

[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AndhNSakGEU&hl=en_US&fs=1&]

Filed under: Uncategorized - @ June 1, 2010 5:38 am

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