So yesterday I spent half the day driving around running errands, getting things done that I had put off for quite a while. For some reason my car’s air conditioning decided to stop working right in the middle of August in fucking Phoenix, and I was wearing a jean jacket so it was hot as balls in my car. I had to go to the IRS building, the Social Security building, get my oil changed etc(have to get one at least every 25,000 miles.) After all that, I also made a brief stop at the mall to grab a burger and fries from Johnny Rockets. I was going to go to Five Guys, but the line was too long. Oh, did I mention how fucking hot it was in my car? I was in it like all day, too! I felt like I sweated out every bit of fluid in my body. I was probably sweating semen toward the end. Anyway, I survived and still felt like 20 bucks. An innocent little baby left in a car all day by an unfit mother ain’t got nothing on me.
So yeah, yesterday for me was like a Zoog Disney version of the movie “Falling Down.” I had to go to the IRS building mainly just to try to file my amended tax return to get the homebuyer tax credit. First I had gone to the Social Security building, because I assumed wrongly that I could get the paperwork there. Anyhow it was like a thousand degrees in the parking garage of the IRS office. After I walked all the way there, they almost didn’t even let me in the building. The security guard asked me if I had a cell phone, and I was like “uhhh yeah.” He told me there were no cell phones allowed in the building, and that I had to take it back out to my car. I told him “man this is bullshit!”(yeah I know I’m one of those people who gets pissed off and makes a scene in public.) It’s all a person can do though to resist the anarcho-tyranny that passes for the contemporary world we live in. So I had to walk all the way back to my car to put my phone in there and then all the way back. I then had to pass through a metal detector, which was so sensitive that even my flimsy, cheap ass, urban outfitters, practically paper clip belt buckle set it off. When they finally let me in I was greeted at a counter by a man who spoke broken english, who cheerfully told me they had no one there to help me or answer any questions but not to worry…he gave me a piece of paper with the name and number of a place way in the bum fuck ghetto west side of town that I could set up an appointment with in a week or two. That’s the government for you. I can’t wait until these same people run our health care system so I can experience this great service when my life depends on it. Then again, our health care system is already a joke so who knows if it would be that much worse. My last experience with health care was huge pain in the nuts(pun intended) and that was even with me having what is supposedly “good” health insurance.
Oh and if that weren’t enough, as I left the social security building on 7th ave…Nikki happened to be driving by. She smiled a big smile at me, and I gave an exhausted, pathetic wave back. Then later she accused me of stalking her by her house(she lives in that area) and she was like half joking, but then I kinda wondered if maybe she really did think that.. which sucked. But I’m not really the type to mickey mouse around about hanging out. This isn’t 1994…if I wanted to see her or hang out I would just ask her so she could just say no and shoot me down quickly. Anyway if she actually thought I was stalking her then that’s the happiest anyone has ever looked to see their so called stalker. Ahhh we’re friends. The funny thing is that I looked like absolute shit, and I would never allow myself to be seen by any remotely attractive girl at that time of the day…wearing what I was wearing(some scraggly clothes.) I’m like Richard Nixon, and I don’t function all that well outside of carefully scripted settings and perfectly choreographed, pre-rehearsed routines.
Also when I got my oil changed, they told me I had an “engine oil leak” yet when they checked my oil level it was full. That must be an awfully slow oil leak if I d