the pigkeeper’s daughter

So last night after the bar, I went over to Nikki’s house, which was in friendtown(as opposed to bonetown,) but when you have a friend as rad as Nikki, that’s all you need. Anyway, on the way over we stopped at QT because she wanted to buy some snackula in the form of salt and vinegar potato chips. There were like 30 or 40 black kids hanging out having some sort of dance party outside QT….and of course Nikki was drunk so she yelled something out like “Yeah guys way to have a dance party in a gas station parking lot!” One of the black chicks went all buck wild and wanted fight Nikki, and she was saying all this cliche stereotypical ebonic stuff like “a bitch needs to get slapped” etc. And she followed us in the gas station with a horde of her friends and continued blabbering away. So I was like great, it’s going to be me versus like 30 black dudes. But the girl’s friends were actually nicer, and basically apologized for her trying to start shit with us. When we got outside, walking back to our cars, I thought for sure something would happen, but the barbarian horde was preoccupied with their gas station dance party and talked minimal shit to us as we left mostly unnoticed.

Her and Lauren have a pet pig in their backyard so it was the middle of the night and we were feeding it grapes. The pig’s name was Bella. I’ve decided that pigs are the most wonderful animals, and therefore I will never eat ham again. I don’t give a shit about cows or turkeys…but man pigs are just the sweetest. most loving creatures…and I don’t see how anybody who has ever known a pig could ever harm one.

Some people, they like to go out dancing,
And other peoples they have to work.
(Just watch me now.) And there’s even some evil mothers,
Well they’re gonna tell you that everything is just dirt:

You know, that women never really faint;
And that villains always blink their eyes;
That children are the only ones who blush;
And that life is just to die.

But anyone who ever had a heart:
They wouldn’t turn around and break it!
And anyone who ever played a part:
They wouldn’t turn around and hate it!

1 Comment

  • this entry should also be tagged “gee, i don’t know why someone got mad at me after i made a sarcastic passive-aggressive comment at them”

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