well, we here at allthingsdark.com have decided to offer you our very own new brand of scent for the male. It all started when Rudd told rick and i that if there was a scent to decribe me it would be “despair”, making reference to a possible new cologne for men. Since this idea originated from rudd i found it only fair that he would be the model in the very first “despair for men” ad(picture above).
Is despair for men right for me?
despair for men is recommended for any of the following people
1. A cop who has been thrown off the force for accidentally shooting an unarmed teenager and the wife and children have left him, and he has taken to the bottle
2. high school kid or 23 year old who never ever ever gets the girl even though he saw movies like “better off dead” and “valley girl” and that proves he should get the girl cause life is supposed to have happy endings damnit
3. A stock broker who has to go home and explain to his wife that they lost everything
4. A guy who loses all his money in las vegas, and then ends up oweing money to the loansharks who gave him more money to gamble when he ran out
5. Any guy in a relationship with a “busy girl”(nevermind)
6. Any guy who suspects his girlfriend may be cheating on him, or wanting to or dreaming of cheating on him
7. Guys with suicide fantasies and daydreams about how cool it would be etc.
8. straight guys who live in predominantly gay areas because gay men are creepy for the most part(sorry rick), but you can’t call me a homophobe because “i have a lot of gay friends” and lesbians are okay if they are feminine plus they are a challenge (even though it is unnatural)
9. guys who are hypochondriacs and always think they are sick
11. guys who are poor and starving to death
12. any guy who was laid off from any job
13. all of the above!
So, now I know some of you are dying to purchase this stuff so you can put out the scent and plant your seed in some girl who feels sorry for you, or is tricked into thinking you’re the man you once were thanks to the camouflaging abilities despair for men will have to give the appearance of a more superficial personality. Enjoy!