So one day while I was looking at condos online, I ended up stumbling onto a mini-subculture of internet perviness I had previously been completely unaware of. I had been contemplating buying a place at the Mirada Garden condominiums, built in 1962 and converted from apartments in 2008. I put the address of the complex into google,(I do this frequently to see which units are for sale or to obtain any other pertinent information) and the address of the place popped up in a thread of some site where people review prostitutes that post on craigslist and backpage.com. Here is the review I came across which was from a couple years ago before they converted these apartments into condos:

Hey guys just letting everyone know that if you book a session with Pixie or any girl at 1241 e. medlock Villa Marvisa apartments that you will be getting more than you bargained for.
There is a guy (calling himself T-Bone)in one of the locked bedrooms that video and audio tapes every session. He then keeps all the tape cause in case he needs to use them later

Isn’t that great? To think that as recently as 2 years ago there were hobags providing “F/S” and providing “GFE” while a dude name “T-Bone”(who for visualization purposes I’m going to go out on a limb and assume is a black man) hiding in the closet filming all the action. Try to picture that scenario going on in one of these places when you are looking at the condo models on the condo development’s beautifully crafted marketing website http://www.buymirada.com and I can assure you, you will never look at this place the same way again.

Apparently there is an entire forum dedicated to people reviewing their experiences with the local hookers for nearly every metropolitan city in the US. I mean I always knew these sorts of activities went on, but I had no idea that there was such a public network of information about it, all posted openly in graphic detail. Here’s an example of a negative review that should be enough to discourage anyone from partaking in any of this sort of thing:
(spelling errors corrected)

Looks like things are bad.

Found this review on Amy, good thing because I was seriously thinking of setting an appt. With her. She is just my style. Then saw this today:

She will set up an appointment with you. When you get to the room,
She collects the fee & tells you she has to get a condom. Then she leaves the room. I didn’t feel comfortable & got dressed again. 2 thugs came in with a pit bull, they wanted to take my wallet. I was lucky. You may not B. She has since lost her preferred 411 status.

Once I discovered the site I read through a great deal of this stuff, and the most challenging thing by far is figuring out what all the abbreviations stand for. I had to consult UrbanDictionary every other word just to get an idea what it is we’re talking about here. Like what exactly is the “RSG” position, and what is the difference between BBBJ and a plain old BJ? Beats me. GFE is “girlfriend experience.” I do know that one, but what sort of girlfriend experience are they referring to? Is it the kind where you hold hands at the zoo eating ice cream together, or when you’re trying to watch a movie and she won’t stop talking? This should be a crucial price negotiation point when determining whether one would have to pay extra for “GFE” or whether they could instead receive a discount coupon for it. There are many types of GFE, and the devil is in the details of the contract.

I could never actually get involved in all this business though. I’m too much of a germaphobe for one thing. And despite all my horrible relationship experiences and the many comical sexual situations I’ve been in over the years(most recently taking a shower with a girl and forgetting to take my socks off!) I have at least always had a steady pool of at least temporarily willing girlfriends. I would never have had to shell out cold hard cash for my GFE. For of course as most guys know, IRL, GFE can be paid for in far more humiliating ways.

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Filed under: Uncategorized - @ January 28, 2010 7:44 am

Tags: backpage reviews, craigslist reviews, germaphobe, gfe, girlfriend experience, internet subculture, mirada, mirada condo, mirada condos, pit bulls, rsg, urban dictionary, villa marvisa